[	how I feel	|	awake	]
[	music	|	Binary	]

alright today i went to church the sermon was like some crap about wifes submitting to there husbands [i swear the preacher must of said submit at least 50 times through out the sermon] and i was talking to my mom later today about it [shes a christian by the way] and shes like im sorry but i dont believe that which surpised me but she was saying how things are much different now and how the women are equal and most have jobs. but isnt the bible suppose to stand the test of time?

...see this shit is why i dont even know what to believe in the 1st place. everything think that people say that isnt completely basic upon scripture is some ones opinions or feelings. actually the bible itself it technically be that. no one knows.

so then after church and all that i went to the pool and i did alot of thinking b/c i was just by myself the whole time, then it started pouring down rain and everyone left. expect for me i was literally the only one there [i really had no choice b/c i had to wait for my mom to come pick me up] so i was sitting in a chair just looking at the pool with all the rain drops hitting it i swear to god it was one of the coolest/prettiest things ive heard seen. i wish i a camera so bad. like the blue of the pool water and the whole emptiness of the whole place... of it would of been priceless.

im getting my drums on tuesday and im the extremely happy about that. the 15th will be amazing also.

[	how I feel	|	amused	]
[	music	|	old blink 182	]

Ten Things I Love:
10. hugs
9. kissing
8. laughter
7. expression
6. freedom
5. friends
4. rock 'n' roll
3. being able to learn
2. music
1. love

Nine Things I Miss:
9. being young
8. my great grandmothers
7. seeing people at their happiest
6. being loved
5. trust
4. my friends laughs and smiles
3. old 60's and 70's bands and how there not around :-/
2. the 80's
1. love

Eight Things I Want To Do Eventually:
8. bungee jump
7. help people
6. find or realize a religion or be happy without one.
5. see the world
4. make a living from music
3. be in a band
2. play drums well
1. find true love

Seven Things I Dislike:
7. umm most mexicans
6. know-it-alls
5. snobby people
4. infommerials
3. heights
2. ignorance

1. stupid people

Six Favorite Places:
6. Pennsylvania
5. my grandparents house ...the smell is so good and comforting.
4. friend's rooms
3. beach
2. my room
1. apex ...i have a love/hate relationship with the town but i will always love it in the end because of the people.

Five Songs I Can Hear Over and Over:
5. anything from the postal service
4. deceptacon- le tigre
3. anything from blink 182 (i wear out their shit so much haha)
2. freebird -lynrd sknyrd
1. stairway to heaven -led zeppelin

Four Words That Describe Me:
4. IMGETTOrichboyyy: nice, helping, great gf, hot
3. nichol346: funny, serious, gorgeous, fun
2. IwIsHiWaSsPoNsRd: friend, funny, listens, yourself
1. me: intelligent, caring, funny, good friend

Three Things I Want To Change:
3. i want to prove to teachers and everyone how smart i can be in school.
2. i want more knowelege of everything
1. i want to find myself

and of course change the world (had to add that.)

Two Kinds of People I want to Disappear:
2. ignorant people
1. hypocrites

One Thing I Want:
1. true love of course or just some one that completely and totally understands me.

[	how I feel	|	contemplative	]
[	music	|	from autumn to ashes - autumn's monologue	]

If you love some one set them free.

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, i hope you had the time of your life."

...i did.

[	how I feel	|	nostalgic	]
[	music	|	silence.	]

hmm. dude i dont like journals but im writing in this one to just tell you that i dont like them the reason why i think is b/c people always are so critical and shit. but i guess if your dumb enough to let everyone see your thoughts and feelings, than you have it coming. damn i never thought of that haha.

anyway.

adam is my best friend ever. period. and hes moving. and i hate it. ive almost known him 5 years. i love him. no one that i know right now in my life, will probably ever come close to knowing me like or as well as he does. hes such a magnificent person, its crazy.

oh yeah and i dont think all be friends with like any or most of the same people that i hang out with in high school so im not gonna make some effort to say that were gonna be best friends forever blah blah blah b/c thats not reality. it be cool if i stay friends with some of them but i mean whatever happens happens. im really close with like adam niels sarah and nichol. i love them so much. but im still not all tear eyed or whatever over the fact of us growing apart ...everything happens for a reason and im a strong believer in that. ...but who knows we might stay friends...

so yeah whatever happens i just want all my friends to know that its been good. and youve changed me for the better and i love you for who you are.

and thats all i guess.

[	how I feel	|	thoughtful	]
[	music	|	Down- Blink 182	]

thoughts that i ponder (and you should too), usually on a daily basics: (p.s. its 2 a.m. and im bored and if your bored too you should attempt to read this all.)

• the saying "ignorance is bliss" i hate that saying. whoever made that up should rot in hell, why would you ever want to be ignorant if you could be intelligent? its the stupidest thing ive ever heard. i mean everyone in this world is ignorant to some existent but you should try to fill your head which as much knowledge as you can, or you will waste your life away.
• why do people lie so extremely much? like i understand little white lies (example: some ones haircut is ugly and you say it looks good just to make them feel good) and if your playing a joke on some one, but making up a whole other existence for yourself is complete bullshit, people should just be who they are and who they wanna be. being a liar is literally the thing i hate about people the most, that and being careless.
• why do people down on others sooo much. like you make fun of some one b/c something they wear, or eat, or listen to. obviously thats what that person wants to do and if its not causing you any bodily harm or them any bodily harm you shouldnt give a shit, its there life; let them do what they want. and making fun of some one is going to help you in any way, shape or form.
• calling some one fat doesnt make you skinny, and calling some one dumb doesnt make you smart ...so why do we do it? (reality check man.)
• why do some people hate bush so much? im for bush. people give him so much crap b/c of the economy went down and stuff (its coming back up now). but he didnt cause low economy 9/11 did, and war is a bad thing yes but b/c clinton had put off war for sooo long, bush had to make up for time we had already lost. then 9/11 happened and i bet you 1,000,000 dollars that if clinton had started the war there would of been no 9/11. bush is a good honest man im not saying its the best president but at least he doesnt lie like clinton did fucking under oath for god sakes.
• this is one is something megan talked to me about. why do we pay movie stars and musicians milllionnnnsss of dollars to entertain us then we pay teachers, police men, firemen etc. practically minum wage and they save peoples lifes and teach us the fundamentals for our lifes and jobs. could america's parities be any more screwed up? its insane.

yeah ...if anyone has anything to say or add id like to hear it. thanks

-Leah

[	how I feel	|	good	]
[	music	|	still "quando quando quando" biotch.	]

um here goes

dude adam is moving away soon which sucks but he said i get to come visit him for like days at a time and stuff which is really cool, and HE PASSED YAYAYAY so hes gonna be coming to apex with all of us ...if he wasnt i would freaking die man. he has been my best friend since 6th grade ya know? =P but yeah today was super boring i was online basically all day nothing else to do.

i want side bangs badly. i did my hair how they would look, like all to the side and crap. and i think it looks really good. tell me your opinon please i would appericate it much.

looking forward to the rest of the weekend kinda, it will hopefully be more eventful.

so much for now peace

-Leah

i did a survey, check it.

i n f o r m a t i o n

1. name: Leah Renee :-D
2. single or taken: single
3. sex: female
4. birthday: october 29th
6. siblings: none ...im not sure if im lucky with that or misfoutunate?
7. hair color: umm its kinda like blonde/brown ...i want it brown tho.
9. shoe size: 8
10. height: 5'4 or 5'5

r e l a t i o n s h i p s

1. who are your best friends? adam and niels ...i would say.
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no...i think im falling for some one though
f a s h i o n s t u f f

1. where is your favorite place to shop: goodwill defintely ...its the only place i can afford ha
2. any tattoos or piercings: ears and lip =D i love my lip piercing


S p e c i f i c s

1. do you do drugs? pottt.
2. what kind of shampoo do you use? um herbal essenses and this stuff that smells so extremely good from bath and body works
3. what are you most scared of? heights, death, spiders
4. who is the last person that called you? alex from durham :-D
5. Where do you want to get married? the beach would be great
6. what would you change about yourself? um i want brown hair.

f a v o r i t e s

1. color: brown
2. food: cheese cake and bagels :-D
3. boys names: conner, glenn, skyler
4. girls names: clarissa, apple
5. subjects in school: history most def
6. animals: uhh animals kinda suck. dogs are cool AND SLOTHS duh.
7. sports: bowling! and fishing! haha

h a v e y o u e v e r

1. given anyone a bath? wtf no? why would you even ask that i dont understand it.
2. smoked? yeahhhh
3. bungee jumped? i want to.
4. made yourself throw up?: nope ...ive never had enough guts to even try
5. skinny dipped?: i want to lol
6: ever been in love?: yeah..... i think so at least.
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble? not that i know of
9. actually seen your crush naked? current crush: no ...other crushes in the past: different story haha
10. cried when someone died? yes.
11. lied: hasnt everyone?
12. fallen for your best friend?: yes. eveyone knows that story haha
13. been rejected?: um yeah i guess
14. rejected someone? yup
16. done something you regret? duh/


c u r r e n t

clothes: um candy necklace, the used shirt, stud belt, jeans with a patch in the krotch :-D, and my loafer or reeboks classics ye yeee
music: "quando quando quando" and umm the beatles and emoness
make-up: pinkish eyeshadow, eye liner and masara
annoyance: really gay people, and NOTHING to do at my house at all.
in cd player: right now: jackass soundtrack usually: the best of grateful dead or mars volta ...i love grateful dead dude haha random
in dvd player: pink floyd the wall ..that was a good/werid movie
color of toenails: pinkish

l a s t p e r s o n

you touched: mom
hugged: uh mom or sarah
you im'ed: niels
you yelled at: mom

a r e y o u

understanding: yeah.
open-minded: yeah
arrogant: i hope not
insecure: sometimes
interesting: i think so
random: yeah
hungry: sometimes
smart: i think so
moody: not really
organized: not really
shy: only occasionally
difficult: not really
attractive: thats up to you
messy: i can be

r a n d o m

In the morning i: feel really tried b/c the damn phone always RINGS
love is: beautiful.
i dream about: love. and weird ass things haha

o p p o s i t e/s a m e s e x

what do you notice first: eyes usually or hair
last person you slow danced with: adam
worst question to ask: hmm wanna fuck?
who makes you laugh the most: skyler and niels
who makes you smile?: skyler and niels

d o y o u e v e r

sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you? sometimes
wish you were a member of the opposite sex? no dude i love being me.
wish you were younger: yeah sometimes b/c it so much simpler
cry because someone said something about you?: yeah.

n u m b e r

of times i have had my heart broken: 2
of guys i've kissed: um ask if you wanna know
of girls i've kissed: 2
of continents i have lived in: 1
of chill friends: like alotttt
of cds i own: probably around 50 including my moms about 500
of scars on my body: a couple

f i n a l q u e s t i o n s

1. do you like filling these out? yeah
2. gold or silver: silver!
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies: mean girls ...it was good.
7. favorite cartoon/anime? hm rugrats or something
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning? um ice cream? no cheedos haha
10. who would you love being locked in a room with? hm alex(from dirty durham) or adam or anyone that isnt annoying
11. could you live without your computer?: haha no
12. would you color your hair? yeah i have
13. could you ever get off the computer: uh everyone does? idoit. besides i have dial up BLAH.
14. habla espanol: some
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: 200 ...40 are on right now.

i realized something... and i think i finally know how to put it into words.

You realize who your real, true 1st love is when that relationship ends, and your sadder than you ever have been in your whole life and you dont wanna do anything at all but sit and cry and be miserable, you dont wanna see or speak to any other person, expect the person that you lost. And people that marry the 1st love, and never have to lose them (only in death) are the luckiest people in the world...

[	how I feel	|	excited	]
[	music	|	le tigra- deceptacon	]

okay went to richies around 1 talked for a while then we went to noelle's dance recidial and it was really fun. I saw Jenny and Noelle and they looked very pretty i must say... me and richie is made fun of random girls we saw on stage. and omggg there was the smallest little girls they were like 5 or even younger and they danced around and i wanted to freaking kidnap them i swear they were the cutest things ud ever see. then the old kids there was the girl that looked like a straight up pig and out of no where i was like RICHIE! LOOK AT THAT PIG NOSED BIOTCH! and me and him laughed for like 439858325 hours haha it was so great.

so then after that we went back to his house and i chilled with paige for a while (his old sister) then we got ready for his dads huge bbq party ...during the party gabs and adam came and this we met this really cool 2 guys Ryan and his chink friend brad/asian/hugo :-D they were mad cool man i spent most of the night with them let me add that they are realllyyyyyy cute especially Ryan ;-) ...Ryan if you read this haha yeah by the way your a good skaterrr

Anyway thanks richie for spending the day with me it was really fun. Ryan and Brad it was cool to meet you. and Adam as always its awesome to hang out with you...

i had a rad weekend. high school is gonan fucking rule.

yeah later

[	how I feel	|	ecstatic	]
[	music	|	sugarcult- memory - over	]

alright monday biotchotchotch.

i went to adams around 1 and me him and richie chilled we had so much fun dude we just kept making eachother crack up and stuff it was great. they played nutball i laughed then all of a sudden adam threw the damn huge candle they were using at my freaking boob it hurt like crap but i still laughed. i killed richie and adams nuts with that candle hehehe haha

then richie had to leave for work :( so me and adam walked to megans then me megan adam sarah and lauren went midnite bowling it was so fun we like the hyperest people youll ever met the people beside our lane were like making fun of us so we just acter gayer so they would make fun of us more. were like dancing and screaming and by the way i wooped everyones asses i got 2nd place 1st game. 1st place 2nd game and 3rd game ...lets just face it i fucking rock at bowling i mean cmon haha

then tuesday night me and nichol went to nickys and guess who is randomly showed up SKYLER! so i got to meet him and nicky for the 1st time it was cool we just talked and stuff and play on the playground then it got dark and we played ding dong ditch it kinda sucked though b/c none of those mother fuckers answered there doors. damn you lochmere-er-er-ers. it was awesome to me nicky though hes really sweet and nice. and skyler is mad cool and funny. holy shit it was so funny when nichols sister came to pick us up we were going down this road and this people were CRAWLING DOWN THE ROAD like doing 10 miles under the speed limit so rachel started riding there ass, so the passneger guy turns around in his seat and starts flicking her off, so she starts honking and flicking him back off. it was so great, and she was screaming "fuck you you assholes" at him and turn on her brights. it was the best thing ive ever seen so the guy got all mad and went even slower. it was lovely. <3 you had to be there.

and today wednesday i went to a flick with skyler. we saw mean girls it was actually suprisely good. i had a good time my hand is like diseased man i swear skyler knows haha its like all puffed up from a mostiquo bite or something its insane

but yeah the last 3 days have been so rad. eeee :-D

[	how I feel	|	accomplished	]
[	music	|	story of the year- anthem of our dying day	]

alright alot to catch up on...

Thursday: umm field day kinda sucked just b/c my homeroom got our asses wooped it was still pretty fun tho my shirt was rad so yeah um then i changed into radical outfit number 2 and just hung out with everyone i had a really good talk with sarah in the hallway about alot of stuff she made me realize like how good i have it and to not get down over stuff ...she really helps me sometimes, i love you sarah man. then lunch it was gay there was no where to sit really the cake was good then the dance it was cool they only played rap like i predicted they would except for like 1 acdc song which me and jordan totally rocked out to xhardcorex ...dude i had my 1st slow dance eVeR with jordan and then adam it was cool it was actually really fun the black people were entertaining to watch i had a good time i took rad pictures of me nichol niels and adam sitting in beach chairs behind this ghetto ass beach background haha it was great in 1 of them i have a buckle on my head ...i had a good time.

Friday: alright 1st of all no one was really there idk mainly blacks but a few of my poss was there like niels adam nichol and jordash (aka jordan) yeah so we were basically allowed to do whatever we wanted so mrs faulk had freakin karaoke sit up in her room so i just watched the blacks sing rap songs while i ate chips then me and mrs faulk did "Baby got back" and we both knew all the words so it was awesome then i wondered around talked to travis (both of them) then LUNCH ***IF YOUR NOT GONNA READ MY WHOLE ENTRY THIS IS THE PART YOU NEED TO READ*** alright so me adam niels and jordan were the only people at our table just talking casually and stuff then we remembered that niels had 9 dollars left in his account so we bought massive amounts of food and brought it back to the table so niels is like dude should i throw this mash potatoes over there (points to the black table) and im like yeah dude do it do it so he throws it over there then all of them just fucking stand up and freak up and throw everything they have like milk corn mash potatoes everything it was madness so i grad chilli and taters and hurl them back at them then i see mr ellzey and officer stone come running to the black table so i get a handful of taters and throw them STRAIGHT AT officer stones fucking uniform it was so awesome then he was like trying to be all big and bad so he got on the table and started yelling then me and adam (who played no part in it what-so-ever) and niels got busted and had to call our parents to come get us 2 hours early but none of them answered so we just stayed in the office and chill there for 2 hours which was actually really cool b/c in that time period derrick (1 of the black kids that was in the food fight too)'s mom freaking cussed out mr ellzey on the phone and he hung up on her ...you could hear her on the phone yelling at him from like 5 ft away it was so funny then mookie came in there which made it even better cause mookie was so freaking pissed off i just thought the whole thing was hilarious it was an awesome way to end the year and middle school. the best part was we didnt even get in trouble and we'll never see any of those people again ahahahahahhaAHAHA

tonite i went to this party thing but nothing really happened i saw rex tim joe and i met jonny hes a cool kid and i hung out with megan sarah and lauren it was pretty cool. that was a large fire. and lots of black people dancing.

i cant wait for tomorrow i get to meet nickyyy yayay and see rex again and of course hang out with lovely nichol  it should be kick ass.

love you

[	how I feel	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	its been awhile -staind	]

It's exactly how i feel about him...

I know you don't like me. and i know you think I'm stupid or whatever else you think but i just wish you'd put it all aside isn't it enough that some one truly, deeply cares about you. I just wanna know what i can do but i guess thats give you your space. "You love some one in spite there faults." ...i do...

[	how I feel	|	accomplished	]
[	music	|	death cab -the employment pages	]

dude today i listened to the best music it was a combined mix of the beatles, nirvana, jimi hendrix, death cab. it was a good day for music haha

nicky is really awesome dude i cant wait to see him on saturday we seem to have alot in common and hes a rad guy.

i cant wait to see him and rex so i can share all my pictures with them and they can share theirs

...it would of been a month tomorrow...i hate that. but i guess now i know ...my strengths and weaknesses if that makes sense? or more importantly i know what not to do.

im so happy about 8th grade tomorrow gosh its gonna be awesome i have 2 slammin outfits and im going to dominate in freaking tug a war. and the dance will be cool even though i think mr williams is like only playing all rap but i tried to tell him some good rock to put on there. i pray its not all rap haha thats all i have to say about that

i cant believe im gonna be going to fucking high school and i get my linense soon. thats just crazy. i remember when i was a little girl i use to dream about being 16 and i use to wish i was 16 now here i am almost 16 and im wishing i was young again ...isnt that weird ...we always want what we can't have. man o man i have alot of examples of that *cough* might as well just say it Tim *cough* haha but im still really happy so its all good.

ill update tomorrow b/c ill probably have alot to say until then lovers. i dont know what id do without you...<3

-Leah

dude alot kinda happened today

well rex made me happy haha for example with comments like this: ClubOfChrist: i can fit 1/3 of my phone in to my mouth

there are many more too haha

Anyway today alright i got kicked out of my math class for about the 4th day in a row WHY YOU ASK? b/c i asked how to do a problem haha i DEFINTELY did something wrong ...let me tell you.

hehehehhe kelsey and zach have hickys on there necks heheheheheheheheh

so that defintely brighten my day ummm mr campell is cool

i got in trouble on the bus for screaming at mexicans out the window ...i just told them my name was nancy in spanish GOSH. this kid sat beside me that smelled like onions it was nasty haha

then i got home and talked to this guy Sean (you dont know him) for like 09583648436 hours same as yesterday hes killer cool and cute yeah thats right CUTE hes awesome to talk to though.

ive listened to the beatles dead poetic and im in a really good mood and rex is really funny and the picture of him in his plaid suit i <3.

im really hyper.

[	how I feel	|	hopeful	]
[	music	|	azure ray- "november" and dead poetic- "bliss tearing eyes"	]

So i'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly...

I was afraid to be alone
Now im scared thats how id like to be...
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities?

So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away...
Until i'm taken by these bolts of pain
But i turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay.

And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone.

But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself.
Ill find it in myself.

that song is so fucking true its not even funny.

good and bad day thought blah the usual. mr doyle made me fucking cry. but i mean lets face it hes pretty hot and defintely doesnt need braces i tell myself that whenever he pisses me off or sents me out of his class bc it makes me laugh. 3 days in a row this week of being sent out thats gotta be a new record :-P

adam is the best friend i could ever ask for.

Just looking at you and knowing I'm safe from anything in this world because I was with you, and if I died that very second I would of died feeling complete.

that has to mean something...

[	how I feel	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	bliss tearing eyes by dead poetic	]

thoughts i had through out the day:

...let me gallop and leap in my self piety and loneliness.

gallop, dammit gallop i say. i'm so fucking weird haha

i miss tim, i miss travis, i miss rex, i miss adam, i miss jordan.

i miss my friendship with jordan so fucking much sometimes we were so fucking close last year. i was like the only person he would have a serious conversation with.

i miss adam. i miss me and him being best friends. i miss phone conversations till 3 in the morning. i miss doing something practically everyday with him. ...were still close so im thankful for that but 4 years of friendship will probably ends when he fucking moves.

i miss tim. everyone knows why... everything reminds me of him everyday. today i went to the band concert and there was a kid playing bass and i just watched his fingers move the whole time. i was mesmerized by his fingers and how much i watched tims fingers move and how much i miss little things like that. ...like the colors of his eyes and the way he smells.

"You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt."

now you know i guess.